Even though its only been a few days, I really miss Jon and Glenn. Like, immensely so. They probably won’t even read this, but I needed to say it somewhere. I just hope that all of my fucked up feelings aren’t fucking up everything with Jon.
It’s weird how around Christmas that I really just do not want to be around my family. I mean, I’m around my family all year long. They just get at least 15x more bitchy than they already are, and I just don’t ever want to put up with all their shit. I know I should appreciate the time I spend with them, but for once, I think I’d like to spend Christmas AWAY from home. I had so much more fun doing Christmas with Glenn, Ellis, and Jon anyways. It was a lot more heartfelt, I think.
My friends are already so much more mature than me, I feel like a child around them. I mean, honestly. Glenn has a steady girlfriend, Ellis is looking at graduate schools, Jon is working with the Government. What am I doing? Making popcorn and selling tickets. What great fun.
What am I going to do when Glenn, Ellis, and Jon all decide to leave Virginia? It’s bound to happen, I can already tell. The process has always been ME leaving my friends behind, not the other way around. I’m genuinely scared, and I think about it almost every day.
College looks like the best option for me, but any time I try to even start to write a paper, I choke. It’s like I’m doing some public speaking or something. I simply cannot write a goddamn thing, and it frustrates me to tears. The fact that I can’t write a simple paper makes me feel like a complete and total failure. A failure that will never amount to anything other than a minimum wage job at the movie theater. You’re really going places Jacob, good job.
In short, Jon, Glenn… I miss you guys, and I need hugs and my family is making me mad/sad. :c
Let it out, you’ll start over fresh in the morning. Things will be better. You’re not losing any friends from this. You were honest about your emotions and what happened is exactly what you knew would happen.
This is a good thing.
Tonight is the first night I’ve cried over you. I told myself from the beginning that this was hopeless, and that there was no way we’d ever end up together, but my heart has seemed to ignore this. Every time that I see you, I fall in love with you more and more. Goddamnit. It’s all your fault. You’re gorgeous, funny, talented, artistic, compassionate, mature, easy-going, successful, open minded, and above all you make me smile. Not just a smile on my face. You make my entire being feel like it’s smiling, like it’s never been happier before in its life. I feel alive around you.
Fuck that status I made about you the other day. Here’s what I really wanted to say:
I have a confession to make. I am in love with you. I want to date you. I even want to make out with you. I just so desperately want for you to think that I am this super-awesome person because I think YOU are a super-awesome person, and I want to spend a lot of time hanging out with you. I want to Facebook-chat with you after midnight. I want you to text me to hang out. I want us to @Reply to each other’s tweets and reblog each other’s tumblr reblogs. Because what you find to be beautiful, funny, and heartbreaking in this world is what I find to be beautiful, funny and heartbreaking in this world. When we hang out, I want to swap favorite books or pokemon. I want our hello/good-bye hugs to be a few beats longer than a regular lover’s embrace, because we’re just that in love with one another. And if we were to be sitting on the same couch watching a movie, I want to be able to just curl up next to you and for you to wrap me in your arms. So please, before I completely lose my mind can you surprise me with pokes on Facebook? Can you e-mail me weird blog links that remind you of me? Can you text me when something crazy happens on the T.V. show we are both watching? And let me walk with you to your favorite restaurant when we’re on break? In return, I will laugh at all of your jokes and answer all of your drunken calls and find the best hole-in-the-wall cafes for us to have never-ending conversations in. I will make bad napkin drawings commemorating our hang-outs and every single one of our inside jokes will be referenced to in the birthday cards I will draw for you every year. And, yes. I would cry myself to sleep if you found yourself in another relationship, as pathetic as it sounds. Just every single thing about you makes me happy, and I can’t even bare to think about losing you to someone else. But, regardless of what I want, above all, I want you to be happy. If that isn’t with me, then so be it. I just so desperately wish with all my heart that it is.”
so i was gonna make a video and then this happened; now i can’t stop laughing at how i reacted. jesus christ.
Pretty much me when I react to the sun. lol I can not stop watching this and not laugh my butt off.